This particular service was one that by all external measures went awry, but from my perspective, was pretty incredible.
For starters, I was
incredibly frazzled. To say that my day was crazy was a huge understatement. Easily one of my Top 10 hardest days ever. I arrived much later than I would have liked, and definitely not in the mindset that I would like.
Still, we began the liturgy with a sense of peace. The cantor, presider and myself lit our candles and began the prayer service. In the middle of the responsorial psalm, I smelt burning. A lot of burning. Not just a little spark, but something was on fire. I looked next to me and the paper wax catcher was on fire. Not just a little fire, but really, the whole thing was consumed.
As my liturgy training has engrained in me, we addressed the issue (my pet peeve is when people pretend something didn't happen, when it obviously did), the Rector assisted by grabbing the candle and taking it to the sacristy. I tried to step on the smoldering paper on the floor of the chapel, praying that my TOMS did not catch fire as well. We appeared to be in the clear.
Then the lector got up to read the first reading, on which I had prepared my sermon: Isaiah 7. This was the Solemnity of the Annunciation and I was ready to relate Isaiah, Mary and the students' lives. Only the lector did not read this reading (it was set to the daily reading, not the Solemnity). My internal monologue went something like this:
Um, this is the Acts of the Apostles, not Isaiah. My entire reflection is on Isaiah. ENTIRE. It's ok, I'll just preach on the Acts instead. But I don't know what this reading is about. I need to listen. OH NO. I keep freaking out instead of listening. Listen, Annie, listen. AHHHH. THE READING IS OVER. I'm up NOW.
So, for the first time in my life, I preached off-script.
I am typically quite attached to my paper when I preach. I tend to be an external processor, which is not a good trait of a preacher, so I tend to stick to the script pretty strictly. But here, I had no choice. And honestly (and to no surprise to other preachers out there), I think what I said was much more suited to the community than my prepared remarks. It was truly a sense of the Holy Spirit guiding me.
From an outsiders point of view, this liturgy was probably a bit of a mess. But from the inside, it was an incredible experience of people gathering together, somewhat clumsily, to worship God together. And isn't that what liturgy is all about? The work of the people, when done authentically, has an inherent element of clumsiness. We didn't let the desire for perfection overpower what we were there for: praising God as a community.*If you want a sense of Lucernarium, I recommend this video of Luce at Moreau Seminary.
